Daily Read #6: Sad Stories of Happy Meals, Breadbags, Peanuts and Eggs

L is for the way I look at you
O it's only a fuzzy blob I see.
V is very very extra-blurry
E is even more myopic than anyone that you adore.

A Vote is all that we will ask of you.
A Vote every single day or two.
13 more days Baby we'll make it.
You can watch another video but please don't pick it.
'Caus 'My Daddy's Eyes'- 's the one for You.

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Like only an oldest child can, Rachel tells some of the saddest, 'My childhood was so deprived' stories since Dickens. I think the reason my parents had her learn to play the violin is so that she could play sad songs to go along with her sad stories. She should consider going out to New York City opening up her violin case and play a mournful little ditty while she tells the following heart wrenching tales* *[My mom had a song of her own--let me teach it to you--"Life's not fair, Life's not Fair, Life's not Fair and I don't care". She occasionally would snap her fingers and doo wop while she sang it. Let me tell you it's incredibly catchy--hear it once and it rings in your ears for ages. ]

Two of the saddest woe is the oldest tales to come from the trail blazer of our family are as follows:

Rachel claims that her first happy meal was after puberty. I mean I should say her first Happy Meal was after puberty. Yep that's right she won't be joining a class action suit against Ronald McDonald anytime soon.

Do you need a tissue? Salt water is bad for your keyboard so if you need to take a moment to collect your emotions. I'll wait for you.

Second. According to her during the winter, because Rachel didn't have snowboots she had to wear bread bags over her shoes to school. Uphill. Both ways. She would occasionally get swarmed by a roaming flock of fowl Alfred Hitchcock style that were after the bread crumbs in her boots.* *[Okay so now I'm just exaggerating].

But seriously? Bread bags, the poor thing. They probably weren't even designer bread bags like Sarah Lee or the Gucci of bread bags Grandma Sycamores. She was probably rocking a pair of country pride--oh no they couldn't have been matching. I bet one was a whole wheat bag of country pride and the other a wonder bread bag, that both had been reused for home made bread before finally being retired to snow boot status.

I know. I know. We should have made a video of these two tragic aspects of her life to enter in the serious video competition. Sure she has 20/20 vision now but likely the recurring nightmares of going to school wearing nothing but bread bags will cause macular degeneration eventually.

I can't go on the pain is too, too sharp. Cuts me to the quick. Wouldn't you agree?

Now unfortunately Rachel's two wisdom tooth tale just won't garner any sympathy from her daughters, well one in particular.

No no they have snow boots and they've been to McDonald's; it's nothing that sad.

Okay it is. Even worse. A lot worse.

Rachel's second daughter is allergic to eggs

and nuts.

Take a minute and think about your favorite foods. Now with a giant visual eraser eliminate all the ones that contain eggs and or nuts (either in any derivative or that have even brushed up against an egg or a nut in a crowded subway). If you are like me any food that brings me any real satisfaction is gone and I'm left with kimchi and cantaloupe. Now that's happiness.

Like any good parent, Rachel and Ryan check the girls' Halloween loot for razor blades and syringes. Lil 'Peanut' gets anything that could turn her into a pumpkin removed from her sack too. This year after 'clearance' all that remained were 4 pixie sticks and a piece of double bubble.

Thankfully she's not lactose intolerant or gluten sensitive but she is still young. Who knows what could develop later in life? Better start the violin lessons now Sis.

However like every time they're dealt a bad hand, this doesn't keep the Palmer's from shooting the moon anyway. They've made the most of what could create almost a state of paranoia. She's honestly so allergic to peanuts Reeses peanut butter cup commercials make her swell up but Rachel and Ryan haven't forced her or anyone else to wear a hazmat suit. They are careful and keep an Epi-pen handy [They've been fortunate to not need one yet]. She knows to ask before eating for a short synopsis of the contents. Her sister knows to reinforce* like a good sister would, 'I'll have hers--she can't eat that.' *[At least when the getting is good.]

Given these two limitations nothing is more affected than baked goods which in our family is its own foodgroup. Actually the Hart/Judd/Palmer Family FDA recently approved a second foods pyramid that is just for baked goods.

We've attached the recipe for one of the only cookies (other than oreos which are impossible to be allergic to because they have no natural ingredients) that this adorable little girl has tasted. And even those of us with a much more lethargic immune response find them quite tasty.

If any of you know someone who's been afflicted by a similar condition please pass it along.

Sugar Cookie Recipe
1 pkg. (8 oz.) PHILADELPHIA Cream Cheese, softened
3/4 cup (1-1/2 sticks) butter, softened
1 cup granulated sugar
2 tsp. vanilla
2-1/4 cups flour
1/2 tsp. baking soda

BEAT first 4 ingredients in large bowl with mixer until well blended. Add flour and baking soda; mix well. Refrigerate 30 min.

HEAT oven to 350°F. Roll dough to 1/8-inch thickness on lightly floured surface. Cut into assorted shapes, using 3-inch cookie cutters. Place, 2 inches apart, on greased baking sheets. Sprinkle with colored sugar.
BAKE 10 to 12 min. or until edges begin to brown. Cool on baking sheets 3 min.; transfer to wire racks. Cool completely.

Nice thing about sugar cookies is that they never go out of style--the only thing that changes is the cookie cutter. [No one wants to eat egg shaped cookies at Christmas.Actually I wonder if she'd be allergic to egg shaped cookies?]

Also even kids with egg allergies have birthdays. So here's a cake recipe that will keep you from playing pin the pen on the birthday girl.


Vanilla Cake Mix: 1 pack
Milk: 1/2 cup
Yogurt: 3/4 cup
Vegetable Oil: 2/3 cup
Vanilla Extract: 1 teaspoon

1 Preheat oven to 350F/180C for metal pans and 325F for dark non-stick pans. Line an 8-inch cake pan and a muffin tin with parchment paper and paper liners.

2 In a large bowl blend cake mix, yogurt, milk and oil at low speed until moistened.

3 Beat at medium-high speed for 2 minutes. Scrape bottom and sides of bowl. Continue beating at medium-high speed for 2 minutes. Pour batter into the prepared pans.

4 Bake according to the instructions give in the pack. Mine was done in 25 minutes. The cupcakes even sooner. Cake is one when toothpick inserted in center comes out clean.

5 Cool in pans on rack for 10 minutes. Remove from pans and cool completely before frosting.*

*egglesscooking.com

I guess I'll conclude by saying remember the next time you eat a Snickers that there are people less fortunate than you. Also if you can read the wrapper of a kingsized snickers without it tickling your cornea you've got it better than one person.

Ryan.

But that's about to change.
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