Daily Read #4: Operation Service

Dont worry. I think there is scriptural support for giving the gift of sight being a very worthy Sunday activity.

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Thanks Friends
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So I could probably write to the end of the contest period on things directly or tangentially related to Ryan's military service and I promise I won't but frankly it's kind of a big deal. Sure the recruiter poster emphasizes that it's just one weekend a month a couple of weeks a year which in the cold war era was maybe true but the current global realities have meant that you don't ever escape the potential that it could be much more than that.

Ryan's group, the Triple Deuce, had one short activation at the beginning of the Iraq War (2003) where they spent a few months domestically before being released. At that time Rachel and Ryan's first child was still measuring her age in months. The second activation began in the early part of 2005 and would consist of nearly 18 months of service, 12 of which were in Iraq. Rachel masterfully timed the birth of their second child a few months into the mission while the guard was still in country. They returned the day before Father's day, appropriately enough, 2006. If you've caught the pattern 2003, 2005, barring some drastic cooling in overseas conflicts another activation period is likely not a matter of if but when.

Obviously being a Guardsman is a choice and it's service that everyday Ryan and his family and now our family have been proud of. There is a lot of good that comes from the service and the Palmers would be the first to acknowledge the blessings they've received through being a part of such a great group of individuals and families. Rachel would argue the chance to see Ryan in his military dress blues make up for a lot of the not so good parts.

Activations are one part of the stick you pick up when you enlist. A part that I'm actually at a loss for words to describe (which is uncommon for me). Rachel could probably give me a few and some of them would likely be unfit for the ears of small children. However I think she would also agree that there are some very treasured parts of an activation that make a still bitter pill that much easier to swallow.

At the top of these I think the one we remain the most grateful for is the outpouring of discrete acts of kindness and thoughtful attention people showed Rachel and her small family during all of the phases of the last activation. None of them would likely merit its own primetime show but Rachel, Ryan and the girls [and obviously people on their perimeter] will remember them far longer than perhaps even those who gave the original service.

When asked to recall some of them, it didn't take much effort. I'll include a few that she remembered but she emphasized that it was pretty much every day that ended in 'y' of that year Ryan was gone where someone went out of the way to take care of them and show that they appreciated the service and sacrifice of Ryan, Rachel and their little girls.

The Huntsmans mowed, trimmed, and fertilized the lawn every week for the entire 18 months (minus the winter months of course) [They did such a great job it was hard for Ryan to not let their yard experience a dip in care when he came back]

Someone took out the garbage to the road every week (Rachel never saw them do it, but has a guess who it was)[maintaining anonymity during this time is pretty impressive seeing as how they had a gravel driveway].

*Mary Christensen paid the Palmer's "flag fee" (the fundraiser for the scouts in the ward)[I think there is a beautiful symbolism to this gesture, a family with an active duty husband/father is already paying quite the "flag fee"]

*Bryce Valley High School bought Christmas for the family 2005. [We actually got to join Rachel and her girls for this Christmas and if holiday cheer is measured by boxes this was a very cheery Christmas. Ryan also was 'present' for some of it via the webcam and I think it had to have been quite comforting to see your little girls overwhelmed with joy and know that they were having a very merry Christmas. Thank you Mustangs. I will always hold you in very high regard]

*A 1st Grade Class or 2nd grade invited Rachel and the girls into their class and they sang them songs and gave the girls some books. [What a great way for the students in this class to see one part of who they have to be grateful for the opportunities our freedom provides them. Credit to the students, their teacher, and the rest of the school community. I'm grateful that the horrible anti-American tone of some school systems has yet to work its way into our school communities).

*A church group painted the house. [ R&R were fortunate to be able to buy the home of Ryan's childhood not to long before the activation. In its purchase condition the house needed a lot of work but the ward kept pace with the speed that Ryan had been setting in making the house a home and he didn't have much catching up to do when he returned].

There is a lot of good to be learned here. First of all there are a lot of good people in the world and I think Rachel felt those in her small community were all on 'active duty' that year. There could be much more said in their praises. Special thanks to anyone else that may not have been mentioned specifically your service was no less appreciated.

I think Rachel also deserves credit for being such a gracious recipient. It would have been fairly easy for Rachel to have withdrawn into the shadows and put up the shades until the light of her life returned. At the time she lived about 10 minutes from my parents and a considerable concentration of her family who would have been happy to have her. Had I been in her position with a newborn and a two year old, if my parents weren't within smelling distance of a dirty diaper I would've thought I was too far. Rachel really didn't increase the number of visits into town that much--a credit to her strength and also the support of the neighborhood and community she was a part of. She let the community around her help her stand on her own. [Not to mention I think she wanted to be at home whenever possible to IM or skype with Ryan, the postal service is faster than my parents internet].

I really think a more difficult part of mortality for many of us to gain is not the compassion necessary to give service but the humility required to receive it. If there is anything that an activation gives you the chance to practice it must be that--humility.

Today, I'm giving you the chance to let the Palmer's practice their humility because they still need your help. They aren't currently experiencing the threat and distance of an activation but these are standard military issue glasses and if dorkiness was a national security risk these spectacles would definitely raise the terror risk to Red.



You can make sure Ryan doesn't ever wear these again. With post Lasik eyes, his prescription is to strong to be able to put these on. Something Rachel and (in the very near future their teenage daughters) would be very very grateful for.

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And if you can let your family and friends know their service is needed too you magnify your own small act of kindness!

Daily Read #3: Eyes Wide Shut

Continue your streak of a doing a very good thing into the weekend.

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So every family likely has a story fairly typical in theme to this one. Family's on vacation and in addition to fun in the sun parents want children/teenagers to have an emotionally/spiritually expanding component to the trip*. Parents enthusiastically find the obscure location of just such a monument/exhibit/relic/program. *[Through my parent lens I now see that while these motives are nonetheless sincere emotional/spiritual pit stops tend to be free, not very crowded and clean (that is unless you've made pilgrimage to Mecca or the banks of the Ganges) so that sweetens the motivation somewhat I'm sure.]

Bless their souls, Children/Teenagers are more often than not less than impressed by such 'weightiness' and do what they can to facilitate a quick exit by exploiting a parents desire for their children to look well trained and proceeding to do what ever it takes to drive those present's attention to how truly unruly they can be. Likely we've all been on both ends of this tug of war and if you haven't, someday you'll have the chance which will make you that much more sympathetic when you see in others' children what you've already endured in your own.

So I could find a case study of said phenomenon in any of my siblings but this blog is supposed to be all R&R all the time, so as promised the heroine/antagonist is this blog's leading lady.

It was the mid 90's and we're on an extended family vacation in SoCal. We would eventually hit all of the kid approved must see sites but day 2 of the trip was a Sunday so in keeping with the spirit of the day. Our parents outlined a Sabbath day appropriate schedule. Fortunately my mother was born with a family history/church history homing device that pulls her towards locations of significance to the upper branches of our family tree. On this particular occasion there was a Mormon Battalion* visitor's center not too far from some of the other sites on the day's itinerary why not stop in and stay a while.

Our great great grandfather had been part of the Mormon Battalion and I'd imagine that if we were to go today our elevated awareness of our small place in a rich heritage would would relish the opportunity. However something about puberty clouds the mind's capacity to see the interconnectedness of one's existence with that of ancestors and future progeny.

The Mormon Battalion Memorial visitor center was pretty typical of what you find at an LDS church history site--staffed by adorable senior couple missionaries, period pieces of clothing/machinery/weaponry et al, and a movie that gave a multimedia recreation of the featured event. It followed the expected script to a T. We went through the tour, saw the displays, sat down to watch the movie.

I don't remember much that stands out of any of the three components other than the movie did have a particularly moving scene where the men say good bye to their families leaving them trekking across the plains as they walk to defend a country that had repeatedly and very recently turned a blind eye to their persecutions and plight. The movie ended and the lights came on as our young minds quickly raced towards the anticipated exit. The majority of the group did quickly exit the theater and the visitors center.

We turned to our parents--mom was not surprisingly redfaced and damp, but she was reaching for a tissue, not her keys. The executive branch of the family called an on the spot audible that our 'house' would wait the half hour to watch the movie again. Again is a very bitter pill to a teenager at a visitors center. The five of us quickly threw ourselves into the Kübler-Ross grief cycle: which is manifested through the following stages.

Shock stage: Initial paralysis at hearing the bad news.
Denial stage: Trying to avoid the inevitable.
Anger stage: Frustrated outpouring of bottled-up emotion.
Bargaining stage: Seeking in vain for a way out.
Depression stage: Final realization of the inevitable.
Testing stage: Seeking realistic solutions.
Acceptance stage: Finally finding the way forward.

The time spent at each stage was variable but all of us passed rather quickly to the acceptance stage. All of us but Rachel that is. At the brink of teenage indignation, Rachel wasn't going to just accept what she felt strongly was an unrighteous exercise of parental dominion. They had no right to make her watch or listen to that movie again. So returning to the grief cycle, let's just say Rachel never arrived at the acceptance stage. Her 14 year old war council convened and came up with a strategy of resistance. Problem: I don't want to watch this again and I can't possibly leave. Resources available: Limited to what's on person. Fingers and thumbs check. Initiating a self sensory deprivation defense, Rachel put her fingers over her eyes and her thumbs in her ears (she may or may not have employed the verbal mantra of 'You can't make me'and waited out the entire move without seeing or hearing a second of it.

You've seen kids do this before---when they're four. But if it works then, it's not really going to lose it's efficacy just because the holes to be plugged and what you have to plug them have gotten bigger. And work it did. Objectives don't see movie/hear movie/do embarrass instigators of the situation were all accomplished.
We ended up having a marvelous trip and even this brief episode has been one of the crown jewels of rememberance. Parents and Grandparents laugh now about what was probably at the time no laughing matter.

So you long time parents may have noticed by now there is what my parents call generational justice where childhood actions seem to trigger a Kharmic cycle that causes a now adult child to face something that seems more than just incidentally related to a particular event/action/reaction of their childhood. Well I see a definite paring between Rachel's Sunday trip to the Mormon Battalion visitors center at 14 and a very poignant event at 25.

If Rachel had known what lay ahead of her as a teenager she likely would have been quite empathetic to the dramatized scene of the men leaving their families to venture into the unknown to face the dangers of war leaving families with nothing to do but continue on their journey. As now is history, she would marry a National Guardsmen and unless you've had your thumbs in your ears and your fingers clamped over your eyes for last 10 years you'll understand that there have been few volunteer servicemen that have avoided atleast one tour of duty in the last decade. Which means every one of these military families, including Rachel's has had a very similar moment of Goodbye.

Ryan's unit left for Iraq in 2005 and was there for over a year. Much like the mormon battalion they were protected and all returned safe and sound but there was no guarantee* that such would be the case on the day of tearful goodbyes. We were with Rachel for most of this goodbye at the National Guard Armory in Cedar. While perhaps the 14 year old part of her inner psyche would have loved to retreat into some corner of the situation and put her thumbs in her ears and cover her eyes, at 25 she had gained mastery of her inner pubescent and was nothing short of graceful. [*Not completely true if you understand the connection between Ryan's guard unit the 222 and the original Mormon Battalion].

Where most women on the outside would likely envision themselves to be somewhere between a wreck and a train wreck, Rachel was strong, composed and resolved. Her man didn't walk away from a nuclear meltdown. He left a wife, a two year old and a newborn who would miss him terribly but showed on all faces and fronts that she would stand strong till his return.

The rest of us were more than impressed by her demonstrated resolve and composure. Given the occasion we later asked her about how she had done so well. She said that she had lived that event that moment for countless mornings the months previous to its arrival. She'd get in the shower, take herself there in her mind let all of the anticipated emotions rise up and then envision herself the master of HMS emotion. Cryings of little consequence in the shower. She said that she got to the point where her visualizations of grace under fire were so real that when faced with the reality of the situation she became what she wanted to be as she walked very familiar emotional terrain with her head held high.

Lessons learned: First, grace, like all virtues, isn't something that is either inherent or it isn't; those who pay the price of cultivation will enjoy the fruits. Rachel has on more than one occasion shown that she has paid that price. And it isn't a patented technique so if you anticipate an adversity of any range, scope or intensity start taking longer showers. The increased water bill will be worth the control of your water works.

Second, for parents your fourteen year old's demonstrated lack of any particular refinement is not a life sentence. Hang in there, likely she'll impress you one day when it really matters.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for sharing with a friend. And of course most of all thanks for voting.

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Daily Read #2: When a Man loves a Woman

Have you voted yet? "My Dad's Eyes" @ the Hoopes Vision Video Contest - Humorous category. Do so right now by clicking right here:
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Or are you waiting for this?

So I don't think I have enough information to do the whole how Rachel met Ryan recounting. From my understanding it played out kind of like Seven Brides for Seven Brothers* sans the avalanche and most of the dancing. A group of friends from Richfield UT comes down to Cedar City to go to school and snatches up a group of girls from about a one mile radius in town and the rest is history. [*Can I admit online that SBFSB was actually a cinematic pillar of my childhood that oddly enough resurfaced at the Incredible pizza company just a few weeks ago? I guess I just did].

But you probably want more details than that right? I'll tell what I do know and that is when I first met Ryan. So I wasn't party to the first or second encounters in fact I'm not sure what stage their relationship was at when Rachel first brought Ryan around the house. [I'm fairly confident that it was after our Mom in her night gown/housecoat (does anyone elses mom have a housecoat?) had gone to the his house looking for Rachel at about 11:00 pm or so but that's a different story or maybe its the same story because if you still come around the house after that you must be interested or crazy:]

So I'd heard rumblings of Rachel hanging out with this group of guys--one of which was 'special'. I don't want this to make her sound like she was on the brink of Old Maiddom as she was only 20, but this was kind of big news. So I come home one evening and by the noise level there was obviously a group of guys around back. I think they were fixing something*.

*Most parents aspire to marry their girls to a doctor/banker/lawyer type. Pretty sure that our parents were hoping their girls would marry a mechanic and a carpenter respectively. I mean you probably don't want your son-in-law to be performing your colonoscopy but if he can change your break pads that's awesome. These Richfield boys, well you've seen the movie, are pretty handy not formally but incidentally schooled in a lot of the tasks most people have to pay for. [*Editing note: the other sister married a doctor well a guy who is now a doctor and we think he's just as awesome nothing against bankers or lawyers either]

Back to the story so they're out back and I go around to do some reconnaissance probably under the guise that I was just headed back to 'shoot some hoops' which you should know is a terrible cover. I would never shoot a basketball infront of people I had never met. Ever. And rarely would meeting someone change that.

The group was pretty casual. I'm not sure what I was expecting like I said it was new for our family but we did do the whole meet and greet that you'd expect from a high school junior and a sister's prospective boyfriend and his posse. (Is it a stereotype to assume that people from Richfield travel around in posses?)

I came away with a first impression that was positive but didn't lead to immediate hero worship. I was satisfied with the diagnosis of no apparent indication of dorkiness*, creepiness, or brutishness *[except as ironic as it sounds given the circumstances I did notice his glasses and how thick they were but that was after I noticed how 'thick' his biceps/pectorials were so I decided not to bring it up. Apparently, kids with glasses just need to lift more weights if they don't want to get harassed.]

Time passed and I got to know Ryan better as he started coming around more than just when we needed a hole dug in the backyard. I can say that initially there was not much indication that we had much in common. Ryan was studying athletic Training/I was a recovering fat kid attempting to be an athlete. Ryan was in the National Guard/I get knocked down when I shoot a .22. When it comes to simple machines Ryan is exceptionally handy/ when it comes to simple machines I put the handy in cap. The list goes on.

However it didn't take me long to know that I really liked Ryan and I'd, well obviously, stake my reputation onto a large stick and shake it around online for him. Of his many fantastic qualities what I appreciate most about Ryan is what he has done for my sister.

Rachel pre-Ryan was well as I said yesterday, super. Rachel post-Ryan leaves pre-Ryan Rachel in a different time zone. The acceptance and love Rachel got from Ryan allowed her to take all of these amazing qualities that she'd been tamping down so she wouldn't draw attention to herself and fully be her best self. The change was immediate and it has been lasting.

Marriage should always be about being with the person who brings out the best you. For Rachel and Ryan that couldn't be more true. Ryan (I assume your reading this along with a few others) thanks for taking care of my big sister. If at any point a younger brother joins my two daughters or how ever many it is then I will explicitly tell him that he should hope and pray that 1st Sister and 2nd Sister can find someones who make them what you've made Rachel.

There you have it yet another reason to vote for Ryan Palmer "My Dad's Eyes" @ the Hoopes Vision Video Contest do so right now by clicking right here:
http://www.hoopesvision.com/contest/finalists.html

It'll make today a little more sunny which is something we could all use*! That is unless you're reading this from some place sunny all the time which makes me envy you [until you start bragging about it and then that envy gives way to loathing. I may or may not have Seasonal Affective Disorder].

Bonus Feature

So Rachel sent these pictures today she took of Ryan the first time he saw the movie. It took her and the girls about a month to finish it. She wanted to keep it a secret all the way til the very end, so she and the girls had only worked on it when he was gone. And all those pictures are hand drawn so that took a good chunk of time. She finished it up and submitted it without him having a clue.




Pretty cute, right. [I can definitely get away with using the word cute, being married with two daughters everything is 'cute'] He had no idea and this was after it had been in the prelims for a couple of weeks and had nearly a hundred Facebook 'likes'. She knew that if it made it to the finals too many people would have to know for him not to find out. You can tell he's pretty tickled by it. Even with out winning (and you're helping make sure that doesn't happen), such a valiant effort should make a dad and father very pleased, and it has.

Daily Read: NFL MVP

Vote for 'My Dad's Eyes' Video the Hoopes Vision Contest' right now by clicking right here:
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Now as promised a good read in exchange for your good deed.

So you remember those elementary school parent teacher conferences when the teacher has to ask that very helpful question, 'So Timmy, you just turned seven but have you given any thought as to what you'd like to do occupationally?'.

Aside: If this is still the trend when I'm there as a parent I am going to prompt my children to say really obnoxious things like I want to own a pawn shop'. 'I want to be a repo agent'. 'Daddy thinks I should become a lab rat.'

Anyway, sixth grade SEOP (that's what we call them in Utah), Rachel sits down with mom and her teacher Ms. Bass. The meeting to that point proceeded with pleasantries and exchanges of achievements from the year. Then following the state mandated script the conversation got back down to the pragmatics that children that age excel at.

Ms. Bass: "So Rachel after you graduate from College. What kind of Job do you think you'll look for?"

Rachel: "Well actually I'm not planning on a job. I'm going to be the first woman football player in the NFL".

Ms Bass: (Stunned) "Oh, Okay. Mom, what do you think about that" Thinking: 'I hope she says something'.

Mom: Thinking: 'I think this whole thing is stupid--she's 10.' (Smiles) "I think that if that's what Rachel wants I could support that. Let's put that down."

Ms Bass: 'Oh okay well let me write that down and then you both need to sign right here and I'll sign too and then let's talk about what Rachel can do now to make that dream a reality. '

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Now this wasn't actually that much of a revelation. Rachel's affinity (and prowess) for football began quite a few years before. I actually have memory of a fifth grader telling me (at the time a first grader) that Rachel was often one of the very first picks when teams were being divided and had established quite the reputation for taking down the quarterback. I would have been prouder if I hadn't been jealous of a person not being picked last--even after the kid who regularly put his pants on backwards.

Ms. Bass didn't need to worry about Rachel's misguided occupational endeavors preventing her from focusing on her studies. The beginning of the end for her superbowl dream was likely right around the whole maturation program thing. Ms Bass probably included a little handwritten note on the inside of Rachel's take home literature that accompanied the swag bag of unmentionables, "The NFL is probably overrated anyway."

As I'm sure you've already guessed, I do not pick Rachel Hart to be part of my Fantasy Football team and while given the option I would leap at that chance, you won't find her on a pro team roster or hear mention of her on Sportscenter.

What to learn from my sister? Don't dream of bright lights and superbowl rings you'll only be disappointed when you get that first training bra? Well maybe, particularly if you look down the XX branch of your family tree and don't see anyone that resembles Terry Bradshaw.

I think what I've learned from Rachel is that you don't have to be in the Super Bowl to be super. Rachel's put "Super" in front of pretty much everything she does or is. There is no draft for that, and it's unfortunately underpaid and often overlooked. But being Super is not about what you are it's about what you do and what you do is the result of a series of choices not a string of nucleotides.

If you've got this far, My thanks. Take two more seconds to vote if you haven't already.

Vote for 'My Dad's Eyes' Video the Hoopes Vision Contest' right now by clicking right here:
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An aye for an 'eye'

So it's doubtful that you just stumbled upon this blog as you were traipsing through the blogosphere; consequently there is a good chance you have some idea of what it's about.

Short story: My goal is to help my sister help her husband win a video contest from Hoopes vision for free Lasik. If that's all you needed to know the link's tagged below click through and vote.

Need more? All the better. Now if you know my sister and my brother-in-law and there's a good chance you do (if you don't this blog will change that) you'll know that he is not extraordinarily needy. In fact he would be the first to admit that on the contrary he and his family are extraordinarily blessed. Not blessed monetarily in such a way that he could just write out a check to pay for a luxury procedure like Lasik but unlike many with a much larger bank account he's married to a woman whose creativity matches her thoughtfulness in thinking of one way that she could make her man's life a little easier. And she's the kind of wife that will put that thought into action in way that harnesses the resources that she does have namely ingenuity and hardwork in the attempt to make what has been a dream for a while into a reality.

In every way, I can unequivocally say or I wouldn't be saying it into the vast space of the interwebs that they are deserving of the prize. The movie is, well if you haven't yet you soon will see, a perfect fit for the contest--Funny and well constructed. Humbly, the best, even when I try to look at the competition without the obviously inherent bias. If you were going to vote just because you like me, he or she, we're flattered (and think that's pretty good reasoning ;). But if you want to hold out, size us up against the competition and then vote, please do. We're confident you'll still pick us.

If you like the movie or us enough to do the same thing tomorrow we'll be no less appreciative than we are today and if you keep doing it until the 28th, the same X18 and if you help us spread the word and convince those within your shadow of influence to follow your lead we'll bake you cookies.

If it helps you remember/encourages you to come back and vote again, I'll be writing something worth reading every day till then so please come back or set up an RRS feed to follow the blog that way. You hopefully wont be disappointed and likely walk away with 18 more reasons to want Ryan to see how blessed he is with 20/20 vision, Rachel to see her good work as a wife and best friend knock it out of the park once again, and their girls the chance to see if Dad's glasses will blend.

What's in it for me? Well as the parent of a first child whose world was just altered by a younger sibling I'm gaining a new perspective on what I owe to the 'first born'. Much, even beyond my awareness, has been given and given up, because that's what big sisters do. I've been given a chance to try to cut the headstart big sis' had by doing what I can to help out for 18 days. 18 days for 26 years is a bargain by any measure.

I haven't got 5,000 dollars to fix Ryan's eyeballs but I've been told that I can write. Rachel's been on my case for years to do something with it, so I would guess me finally starting in a way that benefits her and hers is only fair. Who knows? With some luck and your support, I might enjoy it enough to do something nice for your big sister next. Let's talk about that later.

Here's what you do.

Click on the link below that will take you to the Hoopes Vision video contest.

http://contest.hoopesvision.com/finalists.html

If you must, watch the videos to see who wins your vote in each of the three categories. The video your subconscious wants you to vote for is titled 'My Dad's Eyes' and it's under the humorous category. When you're ready to step into the ballot box and vote, click on the big white box that says 'Vote for your favorite finalist video'.

You'll need to make a selection in each of the three categories but I can only help you answer the question of who to vote for under the humorous category; again you're looking for 'My Dad's Eyes.' For the other two categories take a random swing or watch the videos to find your favorite. You'll also need to list your email to verify that only one person is voting from your IP address(pardon the tech jargon) per day.

After hopefully giving us an 'aye' for Ryan's eye(well both of them actually...I've heard you get used to the puns) Take a deep cleansing breath and think 'I am a very generous person' and enjoy the boost of self-esteem this small good deed should give you for the rest of the day. Come back tomorrow and do it again. We'll be waiting.

Thanks in advance, Friends.

Judson Hart