The wood are lovely dark and deep
But I have promises to keep
And miles to go before I sleep
And miles to go before I sleep......
At some point my boss mentioned he was going to spend the night preparing some fairly amazing caramel popcorn for friends and neighbors. Neighborhood gifts bring back many fond memories, I'll have to post again about it, but for now I entertained myself today with thoughts of terrible neighbor gifts. Here's the beginnings of a list. I hope you add to it by commenting below.
What gift would qualify you for the terrible neighbor of the year award?
- Returning their mail...opened...from the last 4 months.
- Audio tapes of their last family night fight.
- A wreath shaped from treasures their dog has left on your lawn.
- A video montage of the birth of all your children set to Cat Stevens
- A door mat with every member of their family's social security number (remember you had their mail).
- A calendar of supreme court justices in their lounging robes.
- The product of your new hobby-cheese making-from the milk of your herd of pygmy goats.
- Having a herd of pygmy goats.
- A pygmy goat
- Tickets to the next Michael Moore movie
- Ornaments made from your unmatched tupperware and tube socks
- Nancy Pelosi's memoir - Know your power: a message to America's daughters.
- Arm & Hammer baking soda toothpaste
- 'Sand' art made from the hair clippings from your electric razor.
- Your own remake of Richard Simmon's 'Sweatin' to the Holidays'.
- Coupons redeemable for the chance to babysit your kids.
- Slim-fast: even if you fashion reindeer antlers out of pipe cleaners around the tops of the cans and hot glue a large red pompom to the front of each.
- the plate of cookies they brought you---last year
- Donation in their name to Planned Parenthood
- A Ouija board
- A blanket infected with small pox
- Campaign stationery from your failed run for Stark County treasurer.
- Reusable toilet paper.
- A framed 10X14 picture of your family
3 comments:
Hey! I like Cat Stevens!
HaHa, those are good ideas. Are you going to use one this year?
And I like Arm and Hammer baking soda toothpaste.
Arm and Hammer is the only toothpaste at our house.... you of course, already know that. I have Cat Stevens greatest hits. Glad to see you put the link in to the Stark County treasurer. I think I'll go with the slim fast this year but make it into a candle or a yule log.
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